Back in 2001, I wrote an article for my local NCT magazine called Desperately Seeking Balance. At the time, I was caring for a teeny tiny baby and pregnant with another, starting my own business, having a joyful new-mums daytime social life, and generally being stupidly busy busy busy all the time. I didn't sleep much. I multi-tasked constantly and was a frantically frazzled but physically fit, resilient and capable 33 year old.
I'm now 46. I'm still busy busy busy all the time and I'm now more capable than I was then. But I don't feel at all fit or resilient. I'm knackered, and stressed. How have I aged - or weakened - that much? I am still Desperately Seeking Balance, but I have less energy and zing and va-va-voom to help me find it. And now I have breast cancer. Okay so it's early stage, it can be fixed, the prognosis is good, blah blah blah ... but I'm worried that I've got into the habit of spending all the energy I have and not using enough of it to heal myself, to restore, to renew, to stay healthy.
In other words, I'm worried that I've taken out a massive energy overdraft. And if this is true, how am I ever going to get back in credit?