Thursday, 14 August 2014

Misery & Muesli

I surprised myself and the Radiographer by crying during my pre-Chemo CT scan yesterday. WAH! It was partly because I hadn't eaten for 7 hours (as per instructions), and because it was cold in there, and because I was tired, and because I was instructed to hold my arms up above my head and that felt nasty around my 4-week old mastectomy scar. Whatever was injected into my arm whooshed hot through my veins, and the CT scanner's bossy voice told me to take a deep breath and hold it while it whirred and clicked and took photos of my insides.

The stark windowless room and all the clever grey medical equipment felt scary, and it was miserable and humiliating to be lying helpless and shivering in a hospital gown. The moment seemed so ghastly and humourless that the tears started plopping down my cheeks and just wouldn't stop. The poor Radiographer was a little startled. She told me kindly that I was going to be fine, and I told her I was mostly just hungry, so she made me a cup of frothy white tea in a polystyrene mug with ginger biscuits on the side. I read a copy of Grazia magazine while I sipped and nibbled, and that cheered me right up.

On a more positive note, I made my own high fibre muesli today. Pre-Cancer-Me might have sniggered and thought what a boring and pointless thing to do. But now that a healthy plant-based diet has quickly become startlingly important, in a life-or-death sort of way, making my own muesli suddenly seems quite exciting.


16 scoops of oats
4 scoops of sultanas
4 scoops of chopped apricots
4 scoops of chopped dates
2 scoops of bran
2 scoops of chopped pumpkin seeds
2 scoops of sesame seeds
1 scoop of dark unrefined sugar


  1. That little burst of crying released some of the tension in you - just what was needed at the time. So keep doing positive things like making your own, delicious sounding muesli. A x

  2. You know what? I think it's amazing more of us don't sob uncontrollably more often during those darn scans. Like you said, the rooms are usually chilly, the machinery often noisy and scary-looking. On top of that we might be hungry, tired, worried and in pain. It's a perfect storm for some tears! Sounds like you had a kind technician though which is always nice. Thanks for sharing about your tears and for sharing the recipe too.